Weight

Hello blog. So lately my self esteem has just dropped to the bottom of the ocean. I have gained an awful lot of weight and its killing me. I have no idea how to lose the weight and that's frustrating me. It's actually much easier to gain weight than lose it.

Now, it's not like I look like some hippo with fat hanging on me in all kinds of places. It's just the little yet annoying stuff. My stomach is wider, my ass is bigger, my thighs touch and I have a double chin. Like just kill me now. 

I've actually tried to lose it but after a while when I see no results, I just give up. And that is not good. I really need to step up and do something about this. 

I'll be back in a couple of months if there has been results. 

'

 Hello. I've just realised that this blog has turned into a me blog instead of my life and friends blog so sorry about that but I haven't seen my friends in a long time since I'm like half way off the globe. 

I'm going through some issues and I have to deal with everything all by myself. Apologies. 

Me

Hey there. Been a while. Schools over and it's time for summer vacation. I'm not excited for this fall though because you see, I have failed myself and I have to  pay for it. I know this is just god punishing me but I have to take the punches. 

Something that hurts a lot is seeing people I thought were my friends, hang out with each other and not bother inviting me. I think I'm better of alone without anybody. 

I miss Tree Hill. I miss the awesome high school days. Sure, some days were bad but there are so memories I got to take with me. I wish I could just pull out a magic wand out of my pocket and say 'bippity boppity boo' and I'd get back to being 18 and then freeze time. 

Some trip down memory lane huh. I'm finishing off here and going to sleep. I hope you all have an awesome night or morning or afternoon, wherever you are :)

Sh*t

Hello blog! Been a while. I've had a really really terrible and horrible day. I honestly do not know for how much longer I can go on with this life. I'm constantly thinking about either running away or permanently falling asleep. 

Also school is shit too. Grades are bad, and I feel like a dumbass in class. It just seems like nothing is going right for me. I have two parents that never seem to stop being disappointed and angry with me. 

Not a day goes by without me thinking about crying. I hate it. I hate all of it. 

On/Off

Hi blog. I suppose I'll be updating whenever I feel like it. Anyways, the red bedroom days are over. Was hard saying goodbye to red and hello to a new colour.. I had to think a while before deciding on a new colour for my room. From now on its turquoise bedroom. I quite like it but the room is far from done.

On another note, I've been so extremely and utterly stressed out with school. I'm all worn out and just really tired. I am praying to God for some guidance and help, I really need it. Lets hope I'm number one on the waiting list of all the prayers.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep soon and prepare myself for a long and dreadful day tomorrow.

Kind of back

Hello! I decided I wanted to kind of rant a little bit and get some anger out of my system. The thing is, I'm really sick, I caught the flu (boo) and I'm completely tortured. My back hurts, as well as my neck and my nose is really pissing me off and my eyes are all puffy and swollen. Basically I'm in misery street.

Now onto another note, I have just now finally figured out that absolutely no one likes me. Not even anyone in school. When I talk to this certain person who I thought was the only person who liked me, I feel that they're being distant and really doesn't want anything to do with me. I just get really sad and when I get sad I get depressed and when I get depressed I go completely all out and start crying behind my locked bedroom door. It's quite sad, really. And the only thing that can ever cheer me up after a breakdown, is music. Yes. But I should probably go listen to some tunes now before I get tooooo personal, have a good night/morning/evening/afternoon :)

Pause

I'm taking a break from the blogging. I need to recollect my thoughts and I've kind of lost myself again so I'm on the hunt for me. I feel like I'm falling into a black hole straight to hell. There is something else going on, something I just really can't share and its completely ruining me.


I'll be back in a couple of months hopefully. Love you.