New year, new me?

Take down all your christmas decorations, folks!

Only 2 more hours before ringing in the new year and welcoming 2014. Haven't planned anything special, just been having some cozy self time and watching lots of tv shows. As many of you, I also have some new years resolutions, I have of course failed at some of them but that is another story to be told another day. I also want to apologize for not updating in a very long time. I have had a rather good christmas and I hope all of you had a good one too. But I would also like to add that I will be starting the new year with an ear infection, yay.. That's what I get for not listening to dear mother.

I also just found out that a very favourite cd story of mine closed a very long time ago, 3 years to be precise, well soon 4 years. I think it's a shame that so many cd stores close down because these days people just buy their music online so the whole experience, grabbing a fresh new cd at your local store has just disappeared. And it is really hard to even locate a proper cd store as there aren't many left. It's a real shame.

However, I do hope the new year will be great, I don't have any high expectations as I do not believe in getting your hopes up because every time I do, the next bad thing happens.

Surprisingly there also hasn't been any snow this year.. which can only mean one thing, big snowstorm headed our way in mid January or so and stays until beginning of April. That is, if I'm right of course. Could always be wrong. Let's hope I am.

Anyway, I just once again wanted to pop in to say hello and scribble some words for you and also recommend a very, very good song that has been playing non stop for me.

Enjoy!

Now I hope you can see/hear this video, if not then just search for The Civil Wars on YouTube and listen to their song Poison and Wine. Good one.


Love always.

Goodnight

Hey there bloggie! Been a while. I'm in bed about to sleep and I thought I'd pop in and say hello. 

It's currently raining outside which is great but it's not like a heavy calming rain, it's more a cowardly rain. Just hits the window when it feels like it. 

And apparently, according to the weather program, it is going to snow tomorrow. That gives me such anxiety. 

I love winter, don't get me wrong but it's just the fact that I have to wake up and go outside and wait for the train out in the cold and wear big poofy jackets. But I'm excited about Christmas! Yes. 

So now I'm going to sleep for real and maybe one day I'll pop back in completely uninvited and greet. For now, goodnight and goodbye. 

Brief hello

I changed my blog design, it's the first one I ever had and its kind of plain but I like it. 

So I was thinking I'd hold back on the blogging for a while until I (hopefully) get myself a new laptop and I'll start doing video blogs then too but not for public appearance.. It will be on my personal personal blog. Yes I am aware of the double use of 'personal'. 

And hey, it's already September?! Crazy. To think that it's Christmas in almost three months is insane. I am also excited about thanksgiving and Halloween.. My favourite month is definitely October. 

So as usual, I'm lying on my bed and just thinking horrible thoughts about myself and that's become very normal lately. I'm starting on my book next year but I will not have it published anywhere as it is only for me to read.. And now that I've typed that I realise how selfish it sounds but I'm kind I new at this whole writing thing. Kind of new. 

I'm also very very sleepy right now so excuse my writing errors as well as my sentence errors. It is 10.40 and I have to be up at 6 tomorrow so I better crash and get some sleep because if I stay up any longer I know I will regret it so, goodnight web.

( I thought I'd thrown in a picture since I haven't for a while) 

Basically this is young me.. Feel like I've changed so much, don't ya think?!

(Goodnight)

Book?

Hello blog!

This time I am blogging on my laptop instead of my phone. Feels better and more realistic.

Anyways, to the headline, I'm thinking about writing a book.. I've wanted to write one for a very long time now and after reading Fifty Shades, I decided. I'm not going to start on it now though, I'll wait until I have a more proper laptop to write on because the one I currently have is just a big mess.

But tomorrow is the first day back to school and I'm stressed as hell. School only means homework, assignments, presentations.. all of which I absolutely hate.

I'm putting myself at peace in my bedroom right now, listening to my playlist of favorite songs so by tomorrow, I hope I'm at peace with my mind and self. But it is hard to concentrate on my music when my neighbour upstairs decides to also put on music, full volume. The worst part is his music, it is so horrible I actually feel like my ears are about to fall off.

But now, I'm going to redecorate my blog.

Late night blog

Hiya there! Been away for quite some time and a lot has happened since the last time I checked in.

My weight is still the same even though I've changed my eating habits. I don't seem to gain or lose weight at all and it has got to be the most frustrating thing ever. 

I'm having trouble falling asleep right now since everyone else fell asleep some time ago. And this, right now, is what I hate. At night, when all your thoughts come out. 

I honestly feel like the most hideous person alive and someone I'm really in love with is so far away and unaware of my existence. That's got to suck the worst. Knowing that this one person you're completely head over heels with, doesn't even know you and if they did know you, they'd just see you as a friend. If you're lucky, that is. 

Anyway, I've tried to occupy myself a lot lately since school is starting again in only just a few days and I decided it'd be great to read the trilogy of fifty shades of grey, watch all seasons of modern family and white collar, while also watching new episodes of my other favourite tv shows that are about to take a long hiatus..

My eyelids are slowly closing so I better scurry and sleep. Goodnight world. 

Weight

Hello blog. So lately my self esteem has just dropped to the bottom of the ocean. I have gained an awful lot of weight and its killing me. I have no idea how to lose the weight and that's frustrating me. It's actually much easier to gain weight than lose it.

Now, it's not like I look like some hippo with fat hanging on me in all kinds of places. It's just the little yet annoying stuff. My stomach is wider, my ass is bigger, my thighs touch and I have a double chin. Like just kill me now. 

I've actually tried to lose it but after a while when I see no results, I just give up. And that is not good. I really need to step up and do something about this. 

I'll be back in a couple of months if there has been results. 

'

 Hello. I've just realised that this blog has turned into a me blog instead of my life and friends blog so sorry about that but I haven't seen my friends in a long time since I'm like half way off the globe. 

I'm going through some issues and I have to deal with everything all by myself. Apologies. 

Me

Hey there. Been a while. Schools over and it's time for summer vacation. I'm not excited for this fall though because you see, I have failed myself and I have to  pay for it. I know this is just god punishing me but I have to take the punches. 

Something that hurts a lot is seeing people I thought were my friends, hang out with each other and not bother inviting me. I think I'm better of alone without anybody. 

I miss Tree Hill. I miss the awesome high school days. Sure, some days were bad but there are so memories I got to take with me. I wish I could just pull out a magic wand out of my pocket and say 'bippity boppity boo' and I'd get back to being 18 and then freeze time. 

Some trip down memory lane huh. I'm finishing off here and going to sleep. I hope you all have an awesome night or morning or afternoon, wherever you are :)

Sh*t

Hello blog! Been a while. I've had a really really terrible and horrible day. I honestly do not know for how much longer I can go on with this life. I'm constantly thinking about either running away or permanently falling asleep. 

Also school is shit too. Grades are bad, and I feel like a dumbass in class. It just seems like nothing is going right for me. I have two parents that never seem to stop being disappointed and angry with me. 

Not a day goes by without me thinking about crying. I hate it. I hate all of it. 

On/Off

Hi blog. I suppose I'll be updating whenever I feel like it. Anyways, the red bedroom days are over. Was hard saying goodbye to red and hello to a new colour.. I had to think a while before deciding on a new colour for my room. From now on its turquoise bedroom. I quite like it but the room is far from done.

On another note, I've been so extremely and utterly stressed out with school. I'm all worn out and just really tired. I am praying to God for some guidance and help, I really need it. Lets hope I'm number one on the waiting list of all the prayers.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep soon and prepare myself for a long and dreadful day tomorrow.

Kind of back

Hello! I decided I wanted to kind of rant a little bit and get some anger out of my system. The thing is, I'm really sick, I caught the flu (boo) and I'm completely tortured. My back hurts, as well as my neck and my nose is really pissing me off and my eyes are all puffy and swollen. Basically I'm in misery street.

Now onto another note, I have just now finally figured out that absolutely no one likes me. Not even anyone in school. When I talk to this certain person who I thought was the only person who liked me, I feel that they're being distant and really doesn't want anything to do with me. I just get really sad and when I get sad I get depressed and when I get depressed I go completely all out and start crying behind my locked bedroom door. It's quite sad, really. And the only thing that can ever cheer me up after a breakdown, is music. Yes. But I should probably go listen to some tunes now before I get tooooo personal, have a good night/morning/evening/afternoon :)

Pause

I'm taking a break from the blogging. I need to recollect my thoughts and I've kind of lost myself again so I'm on the hunt for me. I feel like I'm falling into a black hole straight to hell. There is something else going on, something I just really can't share and its completely ruining me.


I'll be back in a couple of months hopefully. Love you.

Bad morning

Hello! I had a terrible start to the day.. My train was delayed so I had to wait 21 minutes for it to show up and on top of that I've got a bad headache and my eyes have this strange pain going on so I'm skipping my first class and I'm going back to my bad habits by hiding from my teacher. I feel so awful ugh! Today is not going to be good.

Riding riding..

Good morning sunshines. Currently sat in the train, headed for school :/ the only thing on my mind is all the assignments I have left, it's messing with my head. And yes of course I'm listening to my favorite tunes :)

Give me a break

I'm so angry and so upset. I just want some things to go back to what they were. I keep thinking a lot lately it's so annoying. I'm losing my focus and my energy and I just feel like the world has given up on me. I want things to be simpler. I know it can't be but I want it to. Sorry, I'm having one of those deep thoughts nights.

Oh!

One more thing, I just went through my old posts and I just gotta say wow! I've had this blog for almost four years! How crazy is that?! Surreal. It feels kind of bitter sweet though, I just want to rewind and go back to like 2008-ish because those days were great and people were much kinder then what they are now. It's sad but its life.

Nightly thoughts

As I'm getting ready for bed, I think about everything wrong in my life as usual. I have all these unfinished assignments to do and now yet another one due on Friday, I mean its just crazy and incredibly stressful. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm really failing at life and my duty as a human being. As of now, the only thing keeping me going is the MUSIC. Thank god for that. I'm going to at least try and get some sleep now, goodnight!

-

I have so many assignments to do. Incredibly frustrating :/

Trippin

I shouldn't be up this early.

Frustration at its highest

So I know I haven't really been updating at all basically but I just wrote a post and its gone with the wind so I can't find it. Don't really know why it disappeared on me but its a new year and its damn march already?! Crazy crazy. Anyways, quick roundup, I'm in lovely England studying and doing what kids my age do. I miss my friends back home who will probably read this since they get notifications sent to their phones. But of course there are time differences and I need to get some sleep. Goodnight world.