1:39pm, 14.09.17

Have you ever sat in class and just stared at the wall because you just don't understand anything coming out of the teachers mouth? If so, then welcome to my every day life.

Good afternoon! Currently being a badass and writing a blog post during History class. I have major anxiety, I want to get my eyebrows done after this lesson but every time I call to make an appointment, they either don't answer or they're fully booked for the day. Just my freakin' luck. Anyways..

I have not spoken to my lover for almost a month now and I miss him so terribly much but I feel like the last time we spoke, we left things at a bad place. I sort of didn't get a good vibe from his side so I feel like everything he's told me so far has just been a big fat lie. And this, my friends, is why you should keep your heart closed. Or locking it would be more suitable, lock your heart and bury the key in cement. That way, nobody can get in and hurt you. Wow, look at me go! I only got a bad feeling and this is how I react, what happens when he actually hurts me then? Focus, focus. I'm being ridiculous.

Moving on. I've got this super annoying assignment that has to be done in like a week and I haven't even started on it. I'm so stressed out right now and I dont understand why I haven't started it yet so I need to do that but.... I'll probably get some ice cream on my way back because it is much needed after today. You see, I thought I was finally getting connections in this building but I keep getting abandoned by people I get somewhat close to. Isn't that just shitty? It's as if they can detect that I'm an annoying clingy bitch and they distance themselves from me. But there really isn't much that I can do so all I need to do is hold on for three more years and then I'm out of here. And also, if there are any spelling errors, my apologies. I adjusted the lightning on the laptop so no one else can see what it is that I'm doing but I'll probably come back and fix the spelling if there are any.

I have an hour left of this class and then I'm out of here so peace out lovely faces and I'll maybe see you soon!

Xo,

High school is hell

Let me start off by saying, I'm sorry. I know I have not been here for quite a while but I was supposed to get a new laptop but instead I'm spending my money on something else. 

On another note, school is in session again and I'm not too happy about it. Actually, I'm not happy about it at all. I keep telling myself that I'm only going to be stuck here for 3 more years. Three frickin' years. 

But I don't know what else to write, not much has been going on actually. Although, I feel like my depression is getting worse and my social anxiety is just a complete and utter mess. I'm actually surprised I've managed to stay alive for this long. 

Also I met someone, who lives miles away from me and I'm kind of sad about it. And even though he's told me he loves me, I still have my doubts. There is also a 9 year difference between us but that doesn't really matter to either of us except it sometimes gets in the way of certain things. 

Anyways, let me wrap this up real quick. I have one more class left and then later on I'm grabbing a bite. Also how fast has this year gone?! It's September already. Crazy insane. Before we know it, we'll be celebrating Easter, wow. 

But... Have a continued good day/night/evening! Love you lots and lots.  I shall leave you with this exquisite picture of the always lovely and amazing, Sophia Bush. 

Xo. 

Guess who's back, again?

So.. It's been a while, eh? I've been preoccupied with exams and assignments, it's officially summer now and I got myself a temporary job, yay! However, I'm not too sure if I will be able to keep this up, the blogging that is, but I have decided to buy the laptop of my dreams and have everything transferred over. I'm also very sleepy right at this moment so I might not be making sense at all and I apologize for that. I think I'll start up a new blog, I could really use a fresh start also.

My hair has gotten longer too and I'm debating on whether or not I should cut it.. I've wanted to change the colour a bit and be a little badass but I'm scared of the damage it'll make so I guess that's not happening. Anyways, I just thought I'd drop in and say a quick hello because I miss this. I miss blogging regularly but things change, people change etc etc.. And that fucking sucks (pardon my language). I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and I'm trying not to have a breakdown, again. Looking at my sweater filled with cats sort of helps take my problems away. Only for a moment.

I should probably continue watching the movie I paused just to make a post. And also, the letter "s" is not working on my keyboard unless I press on it really hard, so that's another sign that I should probably get myself a new laptop as fast as possible.

Goodbye my loves. I'll see ya when I see ya!

Xo.

New year, new me?

Take down all your christmas decorations, folks!

Only 2 more hours before ringing in the new year and welcoming 2014. Haven't planned anything special, just been having some cozy self time and watching lots of tv shows. As many of you, I also have some new years resolutions, I have of course failed at some of them but that is another story to be told another day. I also want to apologize for not updating in a very long time. I have had a rather good christmas and I hope all of you had a good one too. But I would also like to add that I will be starting the new year with an ear infection, yay.. That's what I get for not listening to dear mother.

I also just found out that a very favourite cd story of mine closed a very long time ago, 3 years to be precise, well soon 4 years. I think it's a shame that so many cd stores close down because these days people just buy their music online so the whole experience, grabbing a fresh new cd at your local store has just disappeared. And it is really hard to even locate a proper cd store as there aren't many left. It's a real shame.

However, I do hope the new year will be great, I don't have any high expectations as I do not believe in getting your hopes up because every time I do, the next bad thing happens.

Surprisingly there also hasn't been any snow this year.. which can only mean one thing, big snowstorm headed our way in mid January or so and stays until beginning of April. That is, if I'm right of course. Could always be wrong. Let's hope I am.

Anyway, I just once again wanted to pop in to say hello and scribble some words for you and also recommend a very, very good song that has been playing non stop for me.

Enjoy!

Now I hope you can see/hear this video, if not then just search for The Civil Wars on YouTube and listen to their song Poison and Wine. Good one.


Love always.

Goodnight

Hey there bloggie! Been a while. I'm in bed about to sleep and I thought I'd pop in and say hello. 

It's currently raining outside which is great but it's not like a heavy calming rain, it's more a cowardly rain. Just hits the window when it feels like it. 

And apparently, according to the weather program, it is going to snow tomorrow. That gives me such anxiety. 

I love winter, don't get me wrong but it's just the fact that I have to wake up and go outside and wait for the train out in the cold and wear big poofy jackets. But I'm excited about Christmas! Yes. 

So now I'm going to sleep for real and maybe one day I'll pop back in completely uninvited and greet. For now, goodnight and goodbye. 

Brief hello

I changed my blog design, it's the first one I ever had and its kind of plain but I like it. 

So I was thinking I'd hold back on the blogging for a while until I (hopefully) get myself a new laptop and I'll start doing video blogs then too but not for public appearance.. It will be on my personal personal blog. Yes I am aware of the double use of 'personal'. 

And hey, it's already September?! Crazy. To think that it's Christmas in almost three months is insane. I am also excited about thanksgiving and Halloween.. My favourite month is definitely October. 

So as usual, I'm lying on my bed and just thinking horrible thoughts about myself and that's become very normal lately. I'm starting on my book next year but I will not have it published anywhere as it is only for me to read.. And now that I've typed that I realise how selfish it sounds but I'm kind I new at this whole writing thing. Kind of new. 

I'm also very very sleepy right now so excuse my writing errors as well as my sentence errors. It is 10.40 and I have to be up at 6 tomorrow so I better crash and get some sleep because if I stay up any longer I know I will regret it so, goodnight web.

( I thought I'd thrown in a picture since I haven't for a while) 

Basically this is young me.. Feel like I've changed so much, don't ya think?!

(Goodnight)

Book?

Hello blog!

This time I am blogging on my laptop instead of my phone. Feels better and more realistic.

Anyways, to the headline, I'm thinking about writing a book.. I've wanted to write one for a very long time now and after reading Fifty Shades, I decided. I'm not going to start on it now though, I'll wait until I have a more proper laptop to write on because the one I currently have is just a big mess.

But tomorrow is the first day back to school and I'm stressed as hell. School only means homework, assignments, presentations.. all of which I absolutely hate.

I'm putting myself at peace in my bedroom right now, listening to my playlist of favorite songs so by tomorrow, I hope I'm at peace with my mind and self. But it is hard to concentrate on my music when my neighbour upstairs decides to also put on music, full volume. The worst part is his music, it is so horrible I actually feel like my ears are about to fall off.

But now, I'm going to redecorate my blog.